Brandy Pfeifer's Blog

Though I am not pleased to hear that other people are experiencing the same anxiety and fears that I am feeling, it is reassuring for me to know I’m not the only person in our cohort who struggles with self-doubt. This battle waging inside my brain is tiring. Part of me knows that I have nothing to fear, and yet the other part of me is screaming that I’m going to fall on my face.

Additionally, I have come to the realization that my inability to share my feelings with my cohort is not the root of my problem. My problem stems from my perfectionist beliefs and the underlying cognitive assumptions that I have to be perfect. This has been a revelation for me and a sort of “ah-ha” moment in my life. Sounds simplistic and ridiculous, I know, but it was one of those moments when the light bulb finally came on and I figured out what the deal was. It’s not that I’m afraid of sharing my feelings, because I’m completely comfortable sharing them with those who are close to me, it’s my fear of being less than perfect that is at the root of my anxiety. For the continuation of our group experience, my hope is that I will continue to experience “ah-ha” moments. Additionally I hope to become less defensive when faced with religious views, or lack of religious views which differ from my own.

Brandy Pfeifer

Reflection Paper #2

I must acknowledge that upon learning that we would be engaging in a counseling group in class, I was rather freaked out.  My preliminary thoughts were based upon the idea that group therapy would not be beneficial for me in the slightest. My preconceived notion was that 1 therapist would not be able to adequately attend to the needs of all group members.  However, upon further study combined with  firsthand experience, I’ve come to understand that the majority of the therapeutic relationship is found amongst the members of the group and not between the therapist and the client as in traditional therapy.

In our group especially, I felt the energy in the room switch from fun and energetic to nervous and somber as soon as the chairs were circled up.   As this was our first group experience together, I’m quite sure that most of us were a little apprehensive coming into the meeting. The nervousness was expressed in the quiet voices, the shaking legs, the downcast eyes, and the constant fidgeting. 

Further reflection indicates that I was one of the nervous members. Everything I had planned to say about my “object” and my family kind of flew out the window when my turn to speak rolled around.   Furthermore, when asked what my goal for therapy was, I flinched.  “Do I really want to reveal my insecurities to my classmates?” was my primary focus. Though I am very confident in my academic ability to make it in this field, I am constantly fighting a battle within myself concerning my aptitude for excellence in the Mental Health arena.  My brain equates failure with anything below perfection. Therefore, I stay quiet in most instances, even when I feel that I know the correct answer or when I have something valid to offer.  Sharing these insecurities indicates a lack of perfection within me.

My goal therefore, is to be more open, to share more of my insecurities with my classmates and to learn from those fears while experiencing the effects of an open, unhindered relationship with my peers. After sharing this information in group, I believe that the members of my cohort will assist me in altering this cognitive assumption and I will enhance my education while learning to be more comfortable with myself.