Though I am not pleased to hear that other people are experiencing the same anxiety and fears that I am feeling, it is reassuring for me to know I’m not the only person in our cohort who struggles with self-doubt. This battle waging inside my brain is tiring. Part of me knows that I have nothing to fear, and yet the other part of me is screaming that I’m going to fall on my face.
Additionally, I have come to the realization that my inability to share my feelings with my cohort is not the root of my problem. My problem stems from my perfectionist beliefs and the underlying cognitive assumptions that I have to be perfect. This has been a revelation for me and a sort of “ah-ha” moment in my life. Sounds simplistic and ridiculous, I know, but it was one of those moments when the light bulb finally came on and I figured out what the deal was. It’s not that I’m afraid of sharing my feelings, because I’m completely comfortable sharing them with those who are close to me, it’s my fear of being less than perfect that is at the root of my anxiety. For the continuation of our group experience, my hope is that I will continue to experience “ah-ha” moments. Additionally I hope to become less defensive when faced with religious views, or lack of religious views which differ from my own.
Jeremy said,
January 26, 2010 at 2:15 pm
I don’t believe that you have anything to fear, but you know the funny thing about falling on your face?
You get to stand up again with a little more knowledge and experience. Falling on your face is not always a bad thing! In fact, sometimes that is what we have to do to remember that we are not supposed to rely on ourselves.